Life, the Universe, and Everything

So it is about that time... time for me to join the "real world" and time for this hippie to "get a job." Yesterday I was suddenly struck with the motivation to apply to a few positions that I found in the local paper. Well, to be truthful, I was trying to avoid studying for a test, but anyway... I managed to find two jobs which I appeared to be qualified. As such, I had just fired off an email including my resume and cover letter to the first position, and was in the middle of amending the paperwork for the second, when my cell phone rang. It was Cory. We talked for about three minutes, and when my phone indicated that I had another call, I ignored it. After I had concluded the conversation, I checked the resulting message. Apparently not five minutes after I had emailed the first job, I got a call back from the employer. What? Oh, and this is the best part- when they called (and I ignored them) they were directed to my voice mailbox, which (as many know) has held ...

"Well-behaved women seldom make history." --Laurel Thatcher Ulrich I saw a bumper sticker that boasted this slogan the other day. I thought it was rather clever. Is it true I wonder? If it is, then I am destined go down in the annals of time, becasue there are few that can

It greatly disturbs me that I have a bottle of fish sauce in my refrigerator. I have no idea how it came to be there. For that matter, I have no idea what it is used for. It has been sitting there rather unassumingly for some time now, fraternizing with the Grey Poupon in some forgotten corner of my condiments shelf. I am not in the habit of wasting food, and as such, I have not had the heart to throw it away. I think it had a love tryst with the kikkoman. I have been finding little packets of duck sauce strewn about, and I can only assume that they are the progeny of their illicit union. It prompted me to write a haiku about the whole sordid affair. Fish sauce how can you Sit there so coolly while I Ponder your being? The soy sauce was so distraught it tried to commit suicide yesterday, leaping haphazardly from its precarious perch. Or was it just trying to distance itself from the minced garlic? If my neighbor had such an offensive disposition, I might try to move too.

I got a professional massage yesterday. It was fucking awesome! Words cannot describe the deed. It was the first time I had ever been presented with the opportunity, and I have got to tell you, massage therapy is definitely hedonism at its zenith. I got the gift certificate as a birthday present. I had waited to cash it in for some time. Half the experience is usually the anticipation of the event. Man was I wrong, it was a wholly unexpected phenomena in itself. It met and exceeded my expectations by a factor of ten. Now a lot of people will trade massages with friend or lover, but not many like to give them as much as they like getting them. This is a tragic shortcoming of humanity. Life would be so much better, and there would be a lot less tension in the world if giving a massage was as rewarding as receiving. I was checking out the normal rates of the clinic when I initially got the certificate, and I thought them costly at the time. I since amended my sentiment, and I believe it i...