The Infinite Probability Drive

While there is something to be said for making the most of whatever predicament you find yourself in, I cannot help wishing to experience every possibility the universe has to offer simultaneously.

During my waking hours, my mind often digresses, and I find myself wondering what if... What if I had not gone on that trip... what would have happen if I had talked just a bit longer with that interesting girl in the coffee shop... if I had pursued that passion... if I had not pursued that one...

Lately I have realized that I am not content with the limited nature of the universe. Perhaps I am being selfish. How does that old saying go... Give some someone an inch and they will take a mile… I do not deny that when life’s lots were parceled I got much more than an inch out of the deal, and I think I have lead an surprisingly fulfilling existence so far. In fact all-in-all I would rate my brief stint on this planet fairly favorably. But what is it all? If life is a beach.. I have seen little more than a portion of a single grain of sand.

Maybe that is why I want to be a writer. The thing I love about literature is its infinite possibilities. One day I can be a mad Captain Ahab skirting the seas to find the beast who ate my leg… the next I can be reading poetry and drinking cheap red wine with a madder Jack Kerouac.

When I attempt to conceptualize the nature of time and life, I view it as a sort of tree. The trunk of this tree originates from birth, and gradually branches ad nauseum. You may follow the largest branch you can find, but when push comes to shove, you are driven to smaller and smaller branches, and although you will find that from time to time different nodes from different branches will intersect, easy traversion of the tree is simply not possible.

What I want is to follow every node on the tree to its conclusion. For better or worse, I want to experience everything. I guess I just want to probe the limits of myself and reality. Is that really to much to ask?

Maybe if I were a flying squirrel, I could catapult myself onto different branches at whim, but I am afraid that there is no such thing as a cosmic squirrel, and I am but a babbling idiot talking of trees and missed tea times.

Comments

Ed Grow said…
Oh Bianca! Are you an experience junky? Because if you are, we should totally get our fix together. Hmm. (sound of me pursing my lips)That wasn't supposed to sound dirty.
6:07 AM
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