The Accidental Graduate
Ok, so I admit I am a bit absent minded.
During my time on this small planet, I have forgotten many things: maybe I neglected to put out the trash on Wednesday, perhaps it slipped my mind to tip my mailman this year for Christmas, but I will concede, I have never before forgotten my own graduation.
Life is hectic. We give our day to day activities a sense of inflated importance. I am as guilty in this crime as any one else, however on Friday December 15, 2006 I had an epiphany.
The day looked promising. The company I am currently doing contract work for was having a holiday party. Being that I was a contractor, I was exempted from this function, and so I had planned a day of lounging around in my unmentionables and watching reruns of Seinfeld.
No such luck. At the last moment, I was contacted by a professor at the KU Medical Center to interview for a job I had never applied for. How could this have happened? Well, apparently he had been perusing the resumes that had been submitted for other positions on their human resources site and found mine. I guess I was somewhat flattered, so I postponed my lethargic romp for a couple of hours to see what he had to say.
So at about 11:00 AM I jet home from my arduous 3 hours of work, to slip on my one and only suit to interview for this character. After an intense 5 minutes of self preparation I hop in the car and take the 45 minute commute to his office. Parking was a bitch as usual, and being as how the building was a maze, I just barely made my appointment at 1:00 PM. After listening to his 2 hour research schpeal, I decided I was thoroughly disinterested in studying the effects of cystic fibrosis in rats, and so departed form there post haste.
Well, no one can say that I do not come prepared for interviews. Not only did I bring extra copies of my resume to the thing, but I brought gifts for my references just in case I needed a good word for the man. And what is the gift that keeps on giving (you good references)? Beer.
So despite my lack of interest, I decided to saunter onto the UMKC campus to play Santa Clause, and dole out carefully wrapped presents. So I begin wandering around campus only to find that my references are no where to be found. At this point I realized, shit, this stuff is rather difficult to lug around wearing heels. Out of sheer exhaustion, I dropped off both 6 packs of Boulevard beer in front of the doors of my references and left a small note saying "Sorry I missed you...". And that was (anticlimactically) that.
Being as how I was on campus anyway, and the bookstore was open, I decided to cruise by there and check out the prices of graduation gowns for next week’s ceremony. I had never been to a gradation romp before (I skipped my High School ceremony), and seeing as how I dropped what could be a cool $30,000 on this puppy, I decided I would make an appearance. So I was nearly to the bookstore when I spotted a sign that read: PARKING FOR COMMENCEMENT ---->. That is strange I thought. Who on earth is graduating? Finals are still going on through tomorrow. However, being that I have no knowledge of the comings and going of other departments in the school, I dismissed the notion.
Wandering around the book store I had determined that gowns were quite expensive (for what they were) and that the bookstore had quite a racket going on. I thought to myself man, I am in the wrong business and made like I was going out the door again, when it occurred to me to ask the robust woman behind the cash register who was graduating today. She replied "it is the general commencement." I asked here if that included theschool of Biological Sciences
Shit.
During my time on this small planet, I have forgotten many things: maybe I neglected to put out the trash on Wednesday, perhaps it slipped my mind to tip my mailman this year for Christmas, but I will concede, I have never before forgotten my own graduation.
Life is hectic. We give our day to day activities a sense of inflated importance. I am as guilty in this crime as any one else, however on Friday December 15, 2006 I had an epiphany.
The day looked promising. The company I am currently doing contract work for was having a holiday party. Being that I was a contractor, I was exempted from this function, and so I had planned a day of lounging around in my unmentionables and watching reruns of Seinfeld.
No such luck. At the last moment, I was contacted by a professor at the KU Medical Center to interview for a job I had never applied for. How could this have happened? Well, apparently he had been perusing the resumes that had been submitted for other positions on their human resources site and found mine. I guess I was somewhat flattered, so I postponed my lethargic romp for a couple of hours to see what he had to say.
So at about 11:00 AM I jet home from my arduous 3 hours of work, to slip on my one and only suit to interview for this character. After an intense 5 minutes of self preparation I hop in the car and take the 45 minute commute to his office. Parking was a bitch as usual, and being as how the building was a maze, I just barely made my appointment at 1:00 PM. After listening to his 2 hour research schpeal, I decided I was thoroughly disinterested in studying the effects of cystic fibrosis in rats, and so departed form there post haste.
Well, no one can say that I do not come prepared for interviews. Not only did I bring extra copies of my resume to the thing, but I brought gifts for my references just in case I needed a good word for the man. And what is the gift that keeps on giving (you good references)? Beer.
So despite my lack of interest, I decided to saunter onto the UMKC campus to play Santa Clause, and dole out carefully wrapped presents. So I begin wandering around campus only to find that my references are no where to be found. At this point I realized, shit, this stuff is rather difficult to lug around wearing heels. Out of sheer exhaustion, I dropped off both 6 packs of Boulevard beer in front of the doors of my references and left a small note saying "Sorry I missed you...". And that was (anticlimactically) that.
Being as how I was on campus anyway, and the bookstore was open, I decided to cruise by there and check out the prices of graduation gowns for next week’s ceremony. I had never been to a gradation romp before (I skipped my High School ceremony), and seeing as how I dropped what could be a cool $30,000 on this puppy, I decided I would make an appearance. So I was nearly to the bookstore when I spotted a sign that read: PARKING FOR COMMENCEMENT ---->. That is strange I thought. Who on earth is graduating? Finals are still going on through tomorrow. However, being that I have no knowledge of the comings and going of other departments in the school, I dismissed the notion.
Wandering around the book store I had determined that gowns were quite expensive (for what they were) and that the bookstore had quite a racket going on. I thought to myself man, I am in the wrong business and made like I was going out the door again, when it occurred to me to ask the robust woman behind the cash register who was graduating today. She replied "it is the general commencement." I asked here if that included the
Shit.
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